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| you were right.
I think I finally figured it out. | | |
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Sometimes, I wake up from a dream and I imagine you are next to me.
It isn't until the morning that I know the difference.
It isn't until the morning that I need sleep so badly.
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| In dedication to Megdan's reminiscence, I've decided to post a survey from 3 years ago. Everything in brackets is new.
Name: Bailey Marie Wright [This is still the same, thankfully.]
Nickname: Bails, Baes, Godo, Baywee [doggie town...]
Sex: Female
Birth date: September 23 1990 [NOPE. NOT ANYMORE.]
Race/Ethnicity: White [pssh, gurl plez.]
Height: 5”1’
Hair color: Dark Red [It's mostly auburn with blonde at the moment.]
Eye color: Blue/Green/Brown/Firetruck/Mousepad
Shoe Size: 4 1/2 [WTF? more like 6 1/2 or 7]
School/College? Wayland Highschool [Graduated, woo]
How many languages do you speak? Two, Pig Latin/English [I need to touch up my pig latin.]
Do you have any pets, if so how many? A fish named PJ, and two….one cat named Bubba. [RIP PJ. Dora, Bubba, Elliott, Emma, RIP Maggie, RIP Yorke.]
Who's the person who knows the most about you? Ashley [Aaron, other Ashley]
Are your parents married/divorced? Married.
Do you have any Siblings, if so how many? Yes, one. [He's my best friend!]
Do you like your family? I love my family.
How many close friends do you have? Four. [I have a few, maybe 5 that are pretty tiiiight.]
Who are they? Ashli, Danielle, Tieler, Megan [Aaron, Ash, Ashley, Kyle, Ryan]
What do you have in common with them? The world. [that and also we love to smoke. I mean really, can you get any closer?]
Who is most trustworthy? All of them. [I'd have to say my brother or Aaron.]
Who is funniest? All of them. [deff. Ryan and the Ashley's.]
Who is dumbest? Thier all intelligent
Who is smartest? ^ (see above) [Aaron. He knows EVERYTHING I feel like.]
Who is the most fun to be with? All of them, I swear I just answered this question.
Who do you talk to most on the phone? Ashley [No one really, I tend to make phone conversations as short as possible.]
Who have you known the longest? Ashley, 11 years.
Who do you see the most? Ash. [The Ashleys and Aaron. And my brother, but that doesn't count because I live with him.]
Do you have friends you've never seen? Robin Williams, “cuntcuntcuntcunt” on xanga. She just doesn’t know were friends. I stalk her. [haha. I did stalk that chick. nice.]
Do you have a crush, if so do you have a chance? Yes! *gasp*
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, if so how long have you been together? I’ve lost track. [2 years, 10 months, 1 week, 5 days. aw.]
Have you ever been in love? I’ve been at the highest and lowest points with someone, is that love? Maybe not. [ I am, I think it's corporation, trust, communication, and the ability to forgive, all smushed into a big ball that never bores and makes you want to make yourself better for them.]
How would you know if you loved someone? You’d feel it.You’d know. You just would. [I believe this is true, but there's always the nonromantic part of love that you just have to work on to make it.]
Would that person know you loved them? Yes.
How does the topic of past relationships make you feel? Uneasy [Levelheaded.
Do you prefer guys with or without hats? Either/Or. [mostly without, maybe a beanie or something.]
Do you care what kind of car he drives? If he has a car would be great. [a nice red contour. it's cozy.]
Do you prefer them with or without boxers or briefs? Without boxers or briefs, commando. [boxers, always boxers unless it's time for kissies.]
Do you think the guy should make the first move? Depends. [Women in control is HOT.]
What drives you most insane about a guy? Guys, that’s what drives me insane. [I knew I was a lesbian, even in the 9th grade! But really there's this one guy who drives me insane by kissing me RIGHT on the tip of my nose. =] ]
Any piercing/tattoos? Piercings [Ears each 3 times, industrial. RIP eyebrow ring =[ ]
Ever been involved with the police? No [Yes, when I was very intoxicated. He knew...but barely ]
Best thing you've done this summer? Midnight Swimming. [76 with the ash's. and late night cuddles.]
What shampoo/conditioner do you use? I don’t. I don’t shower. [I still don't shower. But when I wash my hair I use just shampoo, anything John Frieda. ]
Do you collect anything? Souls, bodies, CDs, dust (see above) [souls, hello kitty, animals.]
What's the furthest you've been from home? Ceder point. HA HA. [Florida.]
Do you play any musical instruments? Yes [Piano.]
Do you have a pager/cell phone? It’s in a bush. Litterly, Sam Elliott took it, and we know where she keeps everything. [Haha, that's a great joke I made. uhm I have a slider now, it's amazing for texting.]
Do you have a curfew? 12 [bitch please.]
Do you keep your underwear and socks in the same drawer? Yes? Why am I not supposed to do that? If I answered yes is everyone going to go Ewww!? [yeah, I still am puzzled...does not everyone do this?]
What are your pet peeves? People eating, trying to act cool around me (look at me, I don’t really care if your cool or not). [still those... people who think you're weird if you just want to say how and know how they are doing I.E. Build A Bear.]
Who was your first crush? Tony Reruink
Who was your first kiss? Andy
When was your last kiss? That’s disclosed information. [Aaron. or Emma!]
Do you believe in love at first sight? No
What's your definition of a true friend? Someone who will stand above me while im sleeping holding a knife, Who will play frogger with me in the garage listening to TD. [A best friend is someone who won't let you quit smoking because of morningstar, who makes videos with you to David Bowie songs, and who smokes cigars with you when you're stressed. <3]
What do you wear to bed? I normally wear pants and shirts, nice shirts like the kind that I just bought. And my shoes. [My hello kitty PJs and my panda bear slippers. but when I wake up I'm generally naked.]
What's your bed time? Who the fuck sleeps anymore. [11 or 12 usually. I'm old now.]
Do you wish on stars? No
Do you have a TV in your room? Yes.
What's the last thing you do before you fall asleep? I watch the TV that is in my room. [I kiss mr.tuddles goodnight.]
What are your bad habits? Oh I don’t have any, im perfect [biting my nails, worrying about my weight... I almost didn't add smoking to this list. wow.]
What is the best advice you've gotten? ”Bailey…. Don’t eat that ice cream, its’ been in there for a year”. –ashli ginder. [No one has really beat the advice Ash gave me to not eat that deadly ice cream. Except for my mommy, when she told me that no matter what, you have to be honest. it will hurt now, but you will never regret doing it.]
Do you often regret things you say? Yes, expecially things I have said to Eric. Oh wait no, no I don’t. [I often regret things I've done, terribly.]
Are you shy/outgoing/ or neither? I’m immortal [This is still very true.]
What is your best memory of the year so far? Space boots. [The last few weeks of high school. Oh god, those were the best.]
Where were you when you celebrated the New Year? The group [new group, Kevin's house.]
What is your favorite childhood memory? Hanging out with the wayland crew on the dirt hills
What do you think people say about you when you're not around? “I heard she never showers” “I heard she’s got dead bodies in her closet” “She told me she broke her leg!” “she’s a pathological liar” “lets get some food” [Bailey never stops talking about her pooch!]
Who do you fight with the most? Ash, but in that loving gentle way. [If by fighting you mean making passionate love after eating fine grapefruit and having a steamy political conversation about world trade... then yes, Ash.]
Who do you seem to never fight with? T-money [Ashleys. Ryan.]
Do you like to get to know people even if they are different than you? No, I like to know people who are exactly like me. [Depends on how different. Different race? FUCK THAT.]
Do you put yourself in situations or do they find you? I find them, then I eat them. [I generally put myself in them.]
Do you use a lot of past for the present? Sure [In a bad way, yes.]
Do you read books? If so which kind? Murder books. Love books.
Where is one place you feel safe no matter what? My room [Grizzly's bed. Grizzly in my bed.]
Would you give up your life to save someone else? No [Yes.]
What is the one gift you loved and wanted to keep? NOT Dora [Grizzly's clothes.]
Favorites
Color: Green [Red. Wow, how often does favorite color change?]
School subject: Art, English, Algebra [Science, Art, English.]
Candy: Gummies [KittyKat Bar, Twix]
Disney Movie: Lion king’s
Holiday: X-mas
Thing in your bedroom: Bed
Food: Pasta
Restaurant: pizza hut [Olive Garden]
Actor/actress: Natilie Portman, scarlett johanson,thora birch, jack gyllenhall, jared leto, Edward Norton [Maggie Gyllenhall, Bruce Willis]
Halloween costume: last year I was an elephant, and the year before an oversized pumpkin. [Last year I was a slutty...something.]
Music: Indie, alternative,dance, mellow. [RAP. HxC RAP.]
CD: Kill Hannah, (for never and ever), Bright eyes (Im wide awake its morning), The Cure (bloodflowers). [DCFC - Narrow Stairs.]
Band: Too many
Song: Lunacy Fringe, Thirty whacks, The scientist, Mad World [Grapevine Fires (DCFC), Like This (Mims), Fuck Your Man (Tila Tequila), Sad Sad City (Ghostland Observatory)]
Celebrity: Molly Ringwald [I don't remember liking her that much. But I guess I'd say Zach Braff. mmm.]
Animal: Kitty [Panda Bear]
Ice cream: Plain. I know, how un-original of me. [Still plain. or oreo.]
Drink: Sunny delight. [Redbull.]
Thing to do: It, Internet, Keyboard, Draw, Read, XANGNAD. [sex, smoke, talk, nap, walk my puppy.]
Characteristic about yourself: Insane [I'm not sure I care what people think, and if I do, at certain points I can tell I really don't.]
Sport: I get tired just watching people run. [Hockey!]
Movie of all time: Fight Club or Ghost World [Candy or Ghost World.]
Hangout: My house [76]
Pizza toppings: Anything. [Cheese and veggies - green peppers, mushrooms, olives]
Sesame Street character: Grouch.
Television show: Anything on fox, Comedy Central [Scrubs, Flight of the Conchords.]
Number: 7 [2]
Word(s): Speakbox Jump Jacks [wtf. words are okay.]
Swear word: Cockass cunt [Cunt, def.]
Day of the week: Friday [Any day off work.]
Season: Winter
Fruit: Any and all
Cartoon: White Ninja, Penny Arcade [I don't really watch cartoons... even family guy is getting old.]
Do you believe in
God: No
Satan: No
Aliens: No
Reincarnation: Yes
What's your religion? Agnostic/ Atheist [Agnostic]
Do you go to church? No
If you could have any occupation: Art Teacher, Jornalist [Lead singer of a HxC band.]
What's your dream car? Any will do [an all black Jetta.]
If you could live anywhere: New York [In the middle of nowhere, or the middle of everything.]
Dream house: Apartments, Nice apartments downtown [a nice little house in the woods with a big bed and my big grizzly bear.]
What age do you want to get married? N/A [when it feels right, and at least 21 so I can drink at my wedding. I mean come on.]
Who will you marry? Let me check me fucking future watch. [true dat']
Do you want kids, if so how many? NOPE. [1 or 2]
What would their names be? Natilie/Emma [Emma is my doggies name now! Lily, Emma, or Meg for girls. Elliott, Eli, or Kyle for boys.]
HAVE YOU EVER
Given money to a bum? Yes
Gotten in a car accident? no. [Yes.]
Drank alcohol? Yes
Dyed your hair? Yes
Kissed the same sex? Yes
Thought about killing yourself? No [Probably.]
Liked someone older than you? Yes
Liked someone younger than you? No
Broken a bone? No
Talked to strangers? Yes
Sang in public? Yes
Worn a tie? Yes
Hurt someone emotionally? I hope so! [Yes, and it's terrible.]
Made someone cry? Yes
Said you hated someone? Yes
Talked to a stuffed animal? Yes
Talked to yourself? Yes
Driven a car? Yes
Danced in public? Yes
This or That
Chocolate/vanilla: Vanilla
Punk/pop: Punk
Rap/r n b: N/A [RAP]
Dark/light: Both [Dark]
Black/white:Both
Short/tall: That doesn’t even make sense. [Tall]
Blue/red: Red
Movie/TV: Movie
Phone/Instant Messenger: IM
Batman/Superman: Spiderman.
Half empty/half full: Half full
Day/night: Night.
Mall/department stores: Mall [department stores]
AIM/AOL: AIM
Ending surveys/answering more questions: answering more questions!
<3 | | |
| I wish it was easy to let this go.
My mind is playing tricks on me;
You are always there.
and I know we had nothing to begin with
but sometimes
it hurts to know we aren't where we were.
or could be.
or what we could have done with ourselves.
we started fast
and nothing ended. we are no one and no where and it's empty now to think.
You never took my hand
or told me to follow
it was sensuality and a mix of a mistake and a need.
but now the only thing I want is to know if it was there.
If I wasn't the only one who saw potential.
I guess that's what everybody wants. Is to know why.
The dark rooms that took comfort for me so I wouldn't have to look my problems in the eye; are now gone.
I've lost my sense of fumbling for my belongings, I've lost the trick to moving quietly through a house.
I've lost the nerve to hide underneath covers for hours, to leave for minutes, to sit for days.
I can't explain to you why I miss these things; they haunt me from time to time.
But every once in a while they sneak into my thoughts and cause me to trust who the parts of me I've been trying to leave - they tell me it's okay to take it fast, hide, and indulge.
I'm content when I don't know who I am.
I'm alone when I figure it out.
It's only a matter of time, before we all burn
| | |
| Let's get this straight.
I love the people I love.
I care for the people I am close to.
I respect, listen to, understand, and protect the ones who truely deserve it.
My mind can change at anytime, if you show me that it should.
This might sound selfish, but your life shouldn't revolve around the things others want out of you.
If you can't handle the consequences of what your doing, then you are not ready to do them.
If you think you can trust and hurt at the same time, you will become exactly what those two things produce.
You should care for yourself, you should understand yourself and realized the things you do and why.
You should be familiar with your boundaries.
You should be able to know when you are ready.
You should help the ones around you, instead of hurting them all the time.
And once you start hurting the ones that I care for, you cannot expect my trust.
I may be bipolar
I may be a bitch
I may be a mess
But I know who I am and I know how to love
That is one thing you will never ever ever fucking learn to do. | | |
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